i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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