I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
