i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
