I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
