she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
