Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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