I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
