I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm bleeding and have questions
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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