Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
