Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
