no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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