She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
