you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
