drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
