Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
