The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
