Soap is not a condiment
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
