just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
