I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wish my penis had a tongue
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
