i jhust puked up my retainher.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
