you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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