We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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