Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
