My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
