i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
