The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
