The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize