all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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