when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
whose ass print is on the piano?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
