Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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