She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
