I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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