My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
