Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
even my farts smell like vagina
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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