I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize