I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
