You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
