nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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