i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize