Sponge bath it is.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize