So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
