My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
