Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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