i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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