I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
