Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
