I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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