i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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