Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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