yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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