i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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