i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
