Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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