Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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