I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
