Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
