Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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