That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize