just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
