how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
