my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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