My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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